my long nightmare may be coming to a middle

I’m finally having my hip-replacement surgery tomorrow. (I’ve written before about my ongoing trials and tribulations.) I kinda didn’t want to mention the date before now, because while I’m not superstitious, I am excellent at catastrophizing, and so many things could have conspired to scuttle tomorrow that it was very easy to imagine me putting the date out into the universe only to have to retract it. Something could have shown up on my pre-op assessments that meant I wasn’t fit for surgery. If I had caught Covid again — or any other bug — or even gotten anything so much as an insect bite, that would have meant the operation would have to be delayed. There could have been another big NHS strike that would require rescheduling.

But none of that has happened, and the day is upon me.

I’m nervous, of course. It’s a very routine procedure with generally excellent outcomes. But it is major surgery. And the most serious medical intervention I’ve ever had is getting my single solitary wisdom tooth removed more than 30 years ago. I’ve never been a hospital patient and there are a lot of unknowns for me. I’m anxious about catching Covid again in the hospital. And even though I’ve been given plenty of information about what to expect, I really don’t know what the next few days and weeks will be like. I don’t have a solid idea about how quickly I will bounce back. I’m kinda anticipating that I’m going to be feeling pretty all right pretty soon, but again: catastrophizing is one of my great skills.

Anyway, things are on hold here for probably the rest of this week, but who knows: perhaps I will be feeling well enough and optimistic enough that my brain will kick back into gear in some small way. I don’t plan on pushing myself, of course, but I am so eager and ready for the fog that has been enshrouding me to lift so I can finally get back, in earnest, to the work I love.

Stay tuned…