weekly digest: am I back for realsies? maybe?
everything that happened at Flick Filosopher from Monday, November 20, to Sunday, November 26
Am I beginning to turn a corner with whatever the hell is going on in my head? I think maybe I am.
I’ve made no secret of how incredibly difficult the last year and a bit has been for me, between my own health issues and multiple bereavements… which came on top of years of stress and anxiety from the pandemic and our slide in fascism, and also — holy hell — menopause, which has absolutely walloped me. I’ve just felt… so… lost. So rudderless. So helpless and so hopeless.
It’s always been really hard for me to admit that I could use some help, because I’ve always simply looked after myself (coming to some realizations about why I am this way has been tough, too). And knowing how overburdened the NHS is when it comes to mental health, how ridiculous the waiting lists for help are (they can be years long), and how comparatively unserious my issues are compared to those of so many other people certainly made any thought of attempting to get help seem pointless. An excellent excuse to just continue wallowing in my misery!
But I stumbled across a supported self-help program from the UK mental-health charity Mind. It seemed like exactly what I needed. I liked how they emphasized this: “We don’t care how ‘serious’ your problem is. Mental health services often tell us our problems aren’t serious enough for them to help. Supported self-help is a service for anyone who feels their emotions are getting on top of them.”
This is me: my emotions have been getting on top of me, and for far too long.
I’ve been doing the program for a few weeks now, and much of it is basic stuff that I already knew would make me feel better… if I could muster up the effort needed to do it: eating healthy, getting some exercise, prioritizing sleep, simple mindfulness, stuff like that. But once a week I have a phone call with a self-help practitioner who encourages me and offers feedback on what I’ve been doing. This has been enormously helpful in giving me focus, and it’s also good for me to have someone to be accountable to.
I think my mood has been a little lighter recently, as a result — not everything feels like as much of a struggle as it has. (I’m really wary of HRT, but I also found some herbal supplements that are supposed to be helpful for menopause issues like low mood and disrupted sleep, and I think they are starting to be effective.) And it might sound silly, but simply finally prompting myself to actually do a small thing that has been on my to-do list for weeks feels like a huge accomplishment. Like it was the first step on a new journey. And I wrote two reviews last week (one is Dream Scenario; the other is still waiting to be posted, which will happen this week), and it felt really good to get those thoughts out.
Hopefully I can keep this going. Hopefully getting shit done will continue to feel like less of a slog than it has, for so long now.
Soldiering on…
—MaryAnn
PS: At the moment, Mind is saying: “We’re experiencing a really high level of interest in supported self-help, so you won’t be able to sign up at the moment.” Which is an indication of how widespread mental-health struggles are right now. But if you’re in England, Wales, or the Channel Islands and think this might help you, bookmark the page and keep checking for when the program opens up again.
new at flick filosopher, Nov 20–26
daily stream: the official beginning of Yuletide (I don’t make the rules)
1947’s Miracle on 34th Street is on Disney+ on both sides of the Atlantic. [read more]
Dream Scenario movie review: (un)likely boogeyman
Nicolas Cage is comedic in a dry, subtle, nakedly painful way, playing with his “Cage rage” persona; his performance is profoundly moving. I only wish the film was more deserving of what he’s doing. [read the review | cinemas US/UK]
if you’re logged in here to comment via Facebook…
Just a heads-up that you may run into problems posting comments here, because I’ve had to turn off the Facebook-login option for technical reasons. [read more]
daily stream: crime under cover of giant Thanksgiving balloons
2011’s Tower Heist is on Hulu in the US, Prime in the UK. [read more]
daily stream: Thanksgiving the Native American way
2022’s Prey is on Hulu in the US, Disney+ in the UK. [read more]
daily stream: an extremely unhappy Thanksgiving
2013’s Prisoners is on Netflix on both sides of the Atlantic. [read more]
daily stream: stirring some extra stress into the cranberry sauce [pictured]
2003’s Pieces of April is on Max in the US, Prime in the UK. [read more]
loaded question: what is your secret pop-culture shame?
Similar to a question I asked early this year, but I’m testing the Net algorithms to see how the word shame performs… which might as well be my pop-culture shame… [reply at Flick Filosopher | reply at Substack | reply at Patreon]
what I’m watching and bingeing
Monarch: Legacy of Monsters [Apple TV+ globally]: really intriguing characters, conspiracy mystery, and monster action — I need nothing else
The X-Files [Hulu US/Disney+ UK]: monsters and mysteries and conspiracies are dominating my viewing, and this feels right for right now
For All Mankind S4 [Apple TV+ globally]: the problem will being all caught up is now I have to wait a week for each new episode, and it’s torture; this is grand alt-history space opera, and I’m hooked
Doctor Who [Disney+ US/BBC iPlayer UK]: David Tennant and Catherine Tate’s return in “The Star Beast”; couple of fun twists here, and some much-needed representation, but maybe a little too much on-the-nose preachiness, even grading on the Doctor Who curve…
coming up at Flick Filosopher…
prequel Godzilla Minus One
thriller The Royal Hotel
Joaquin Phoenix as Napoleon
Bradley Cooper as Leonard Bernstein in Maestro
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
Emerald Fennell’s Saltburn
Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore in May December
Priscilla’s problematic romance with Elvis
teen comedy Bottoms
Barbie, finally, for real, promise
the latest MCU entry, The Marvels
murder mystery Anatomy of a Fall
lots of London Film Festival coverage
Dumb Money
Kenneth Branagh’s latest Poirot, A Haunting in Venice
based-on-a-true-videogame Gran Turismo
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, maybe?
mockumentary Theater Camp
gay romance Passages
alien-contact dramedy Jules
documentary Kokomo City
Meg 2: The Trench
Joy Ride
tween classic onscreen Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.
And more!
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so glad for you to feel like you're making progress, and hoping for it to build and build for you.
I felt similarly about new Doctor Who, and (speaking as a trans person) some of it was a bit. . . rough. That said, I also think RTD made it intentionally on the nose, as a means of drawing a line in the sand, as it were, doubling down on what the show is (and always has been) for all the bigoted whiners. I think in his way he intended to leave absolutely no room for denying it.
And that said, I was just buzzing in my skin about seeing the Doctor and Donna together again. And the promo for the next ep, brief as it was, looks proper eerie!
So damn happy to hear this. May the goodness build on itself.